here I am again. surviving my 19 days of year 2010. to the dragon boat's group from Chung Ling that has deceased, I hope you guys do rest in peace. sigh~ why in life, things could be so unpredictable? those poor guys didn't even get a chance to do things they had never done. and the saddest part was, even the corpse was eaten by fishes in the sea. i don't blame those fishes. i don't blame the teacher advisor, because he died too. and not because he died i don't blame him. it's because, well, like i said, life is too short. so why blaming when we can choose to move on? I, too, might just die tomorrow...already this morning on the way to work time there's been an ambulance passing by the other side of the road. disasters kill.

I am still blurr right now. march is getting nearer and nearer. clock's ticking, earth is revolving, i am aging. God, this feeling sucks. how can someone be so sure with what he/she is gonna work as in the future? i mean, the field that they are gonna step into. because, life is too short and unpredictable. Again. yes, these few incidents are making my mind getting more and more confusing, really. more and more opinions are killing u know that? gosh, there won't be a day I will close my eyes and doze off. there must be something, something in my head.

I am playing too much games these days. u know, it is putting my head off about my problems. but still, gaming is not good right??

Dearest, after all these years, u can tell me, that what we expect in a relationship is different? and I look for u only when I need u? omg i really can't believe my eyes. come to think of it, it is somehow true. but i want freedom? hey, just going to a guy's friend's birthday is so wrong is it? i dint even sit for 5 minutes. do u even know? and the way u telling me? pissed me off. and it's so hard to be a middle person. so i chose to leave both. and before this i thought that u don't like me to go to my ex's birthday. that one I can accept so I chose not to go. but this? I can't imagine future. cannot be guaranteed too. I told myself not to cry myself to sleep de. I broke my guts. eh, and u know what? I actually did not cry already these days now. last few nights not counted. I guess it's too pain? I am so unpredictable I know. God knows what am I gonna do next? like I said, I might die the next thing u know.. so live life to the fullest!!! must keep reminding myself that. the future is not promising k. so don't expect much. because if the higher is our expectations, the higher is our disappointment. and something really shock me is that u don't like me working in an environment where guys are present? i'm like wth man? how about future? be more open minded. at least i know my limits! trusting each other is already so hard. to gain trust in a relationship is even harder. but why aren't u trusting me? am i so flirty? so bitchy? u said u're very pressure that i am too good. well that's not true. many better ones out there. i don't even know what to do. arguements are too tiring. everyday not enough sleep and having other stuff to think about? God, we aren't machines. even machines can worn out. like cars? need to be serviced. what am i? crapping? or whatever i am saying here make sense at all?

Think positively! ok, grand uncle is gonna come and have lunch with me tomorrow. but still he''s gotta check his busy busy schedule to fit me in =(
see? how busy this man is. tsk tsk. i am proud to have him loving me so much too. he's really cool. oh did i mention about his job? he works as a speaking person for Penang's turf club. I don't really know what that post is called as. but hey! u know those people talking and cheering over the microphone? haha. yep. that's my grand uncle. cool guy. at his age. like my grandpapa. aww~ that guy. loves him too. <3 =)

and there's my mom, my dad and my bro. my mom early morning waking up to prepare my bro for school. hey, is my memory getting worse or did she did that all for me when i am 12? no. when i was in kindergarten i already waited for bus all by myself! haha. independent? no. that was because i was trained. and my bro? doesn't have that. i still remember my daddy tied a pony tail for me every morning. i will sit on the floor and he will hold a comb with a rubber band ready to tie my hair. he will sit on the bed waiting for me with his sleepy and drowsy eyes. haha. i really missed those times. i sleep with them in the same room. and i wondered how did my brother pops out suddenly. haha. no sound at night? i was too busy sleeping to not know. better not to know 'how'. haha. funny laaa. my bro is having extra classes now already. kids these days. parents are too demanding.. seriously kay.. monday and tuesday extra classes in school. then come home already must do homework and then the book i bought him. i felt bad now for buying those books. maybe i shouldn't push him too hard? but if i don't, then who will? i'm the big sis here. and i bully my bro. sometimes. =( what? sometimes! haha. omg i sounded like a mommy here la i feel. haha.

last saturday was funnnn! I-Lyn, Eunice, Pei Ying and Guat Phing came to find me in gurney. that time was working there. and i had to buy them tickets for their movie. haha. as i was lining up i saw Miss Kweh and Miss Loke there. bad Miss Kweh. still dint wanna tell me why. yeesh. but i got over it soon already cos i am not as curious as before anymore. hehe. I learned to get over with curiosity. so, moving on, had lunch with them at food court. so paiseh nia Miss Kweh treated me tomyam. hehe. it was nice just like that. and then the four of them came. so we chatted and they dragged me to cold storage. haha. then we had to split. me, working. them, movies. life is so unfair =( haha. i wasn't that sad laaa. fun kay. then my dear came over which surprised me. ^^ love u. later on he went back and met up with the gang again. hehe. my Yu Yi and Hou Sam have to go back first. so split again cos Yu Yi went front door and Hou Sam is back door. so me and Lyn went with Eunice and PY went with Yu Yi. eh i still so sayang u k. hehe. hugs. it was sooo funny la the way dear Eunice interpret our every move. haha. i was standing in front of Lyn and her legs are under my body and i was like doing a 'horse stance' u know like those learnt in tae kwon do? haha. then i was splitting more already as her legs got wider. so yeah i was alert kay. but when ure beside that girl. no matter how alert. sure gone! haha. so there i go, landed on my right ass. and i told them i was alert. so they asked why u still fall? of course la i was imbalance! and my rubber's quality ( i meant my shoes) is good ma so it halted and i jerked. then they started laughing. i was so blurr. so Eunice say it all over again. my leg and Lyn's split. then i falled. and the rubber with the better quality. so u guessed it! haha. so we had to re-run the whole scene as Lyn record it down. but not so funny as the first one. but still! we laughed til Eunice's mom's call came. so we walked her to the car and waved goodbye. that day was fun. =)




Even if I don't show it, it doesn't mean i don't care.
Even if I don't show it, it doesn't mean i don't love you.



back to cafe world =(

hey people! I'm back. haha. lazy to blog these few days. hehe.
the reason i blog today is cos I'm too bored and too free. yup.
firstly. i also wanted to write about my resolutions. not resolutions actually.
it's more to like, things I wanna achieve.

1. first of all, I wanna make sure my brother gets 5 A's in his UPSR. yes. weird I know. and the best of all, ME, his sister, is gonna make sure he achieved that. seriously. I already bought him books to do and books to read and taught him, give him tutorials. haha. I hope that I can keep going because u know I do things halfway always. and I wanna change that negative part of me and be a better person through that. experiences. =)

2. second of all, I wanna learn driving. haha. I know, many people did already. nvm ma I have I-Lyn to accompany me. hehe. the reason I need to drive is because I can go to elsewhere with a lot more ease and I don't have to ma huan my dear. hehe. nad my parents too. and not to forget, my grandparents too.

3. third of all, I need to figure out what is it that I want to pursue in. Til now, still have doubts. I'm so gonna die.. march is like so near... chinese new year is so near too. then those 'sam ku' aunty aunty sure ask, eh what u wanna study ar.. etc etc. i hate it. and then go ask my parents too. like to compete. I dont like to compete. u guys know right? oh, talk about competing. i had bad memories. someone accused me of competing when i dint! i hate people to accuse me of doing something which i dint. why must people guess about negativity? why isn't there any positivity? and i dont like to explain things. u wanna think that way, then fine. i dont usually 'simpan dendam'. but some things that is too hurtful. better keep quiet. it's been 2-3 years already anyway.

4. I wanna learn mandarin and take up music lessons. but yeah, I dont have the time. its sad kay.. I wanna learn them so badly. I dunno why but since I was a little girl I like music more than arts. arts are ok i guess. just that I dunno how to appreciate them. no matter how people said that's a beautiful/an ugly painting, all i see is a painting. sorry but i dont know. but i really love to travel and visit art gallery. its nice to see different thigns once in a while. oh and i loveee taking pictures. hehe. and i wanna learn mandarin. I'm a Chinese! haha.

5. I wanna think twice before I make a move. I've learned how important it is to do that because once u have done something u might regret, then u already loose. u loose a chance to do it again. there is no guarantees that u will feel it again.

6. I wanna spend more time with my family. I wanna spend more time with my friends. who knows what will happen later on? who knows I might leave them? who knows they might leave me? I can't take goodbyes very well. but if I knew I had precious moments with them, then I would heal faster. I wanna learn not to hate. as the saying goes, Life is too short to hate. its true. and hating is very tiring. and it takes up my evergy. I get moody and I get frustrated and I eat. a lot. haha. yeah I do.

7. I wanna make peace with the people I messed up with. that takes a lot of effort, patience and guts. Sorry if I hurt anybody. I meant no harm. and to Cyn, u mean no harm I know. I forgive u. =) btw, why do u want my latest picture? I havent send it to you.

8. I wanna be independent. because I know that whenever u're an 18 year old, that means u have to 'berdiri di atas kaki sendiri' already. then there's this working thing and studying thing. and I'm still lost. people scolded me that I am immature. and I dont like it. but now I know. they are right after all. because I really am immature. I still dont know how many things work. the other day when my mom was talking about house loan and installments and etc. and damn i only understand like 40% of it. it's so sad isn't it? I mean. the lawyers, agreements and stuff. I partially understood though. so obviously the curious kid here shoot them with lots of questions and they got frustrated with me as they never get to discuss things! oh boy, I can be really noisy k.

9. The truth always hurt. so I learn to forget. forgiving is the best way too. so learning to forgive always!

-----will be continued-----

dedicate this to beloved Eunice

starting off my day with diarrhoe-ing. my God. hate em! yesterday night 3a.m only sleep =/
I know.. couldn't sleep and watched my show. haha.
then 6 smtg woke up to the toilet. Gah! then slept back. then woke up to toilet again.
sigh~ Ah Keat is laughing beside me now. bad colleague. laugh at a poor girl.

anyways..i dreamt of some stupid dream last night..
it was beyond my expectations.. I never thought I will dream about that!
yeesh.
some guesses. it was right though. I dreamt that I became friends with that rude person.
very stupid dream I tell u! some more good friends to the extend. =.='
I DON'T want to hate people anymore. dreams haunting me even during when I'm resting. like the saying goes, 'make friends, not foe'. well, give it a second thought and it is proven right. haha.
gosh my tummy. killing me =.='
should have off today......God bless me.get thru the day....

I might just go back earlier later.. craving to watch Avatar =/
ahhh~ I miss out the part that this morning, I-Lyn called. haha. and she asked me if I ready to go already? I was so blurr and thought that we had an outing?then I stunned for a while.. then she said, oh u're June ar? haha. it was funny though. somehow I had a bad feeling about it. then I didn't wanna go think further so I just ignore it and woke up. I hate thinking about it again and again. I've had enough things to think about. and yeah, I get more and more moody these days. sorry dear if I let go my temper on you =/

there was once upon a time

when we look at each other and smiled.

to reminise those good past

I'll have to let go of the bad ones.

****************************************************

ahh. alone at the booth. just now so pek chek kay.. running here and there. sheesh. at last now can sit and relax a bit already. hmm~ still thinking of my plans after results. whose advice should i follow? i don't know really. first i told my mom.. i already made up my mind I'm going for culinary arts. she kept quiet. then asked me if I have other interest in? then fine. I said that there's some other choices actually. so I listed down every single course for her.

~gynaecology
~culinary arts
~hospitality and tourism
~mass communication

there. she said gynae is the best choice. that made me REconsider. sigh~ so, I need to rethink.
I don't like making decisions really. especially something that pressures me a lot. so yeah.. have to think and think again.

yay! took salary de. although not much. but I really happy in the sense that my hardwork paid off. hmm~ but that will mean that no more allowance and also need to buy new year's clothes with my own money.. ahhh~ quite fun.

then there's this trip to Langkawi this Friday I am suppose to go.. due to work, mom disagree. =/
it's been a long time since I travelled. I really LOVE travelling.. maybe after Chinese New Year already I guess. anywhere will do. at least from Penang awhile. doesnt mean I dislike Penang.. I love Penang. its the best here =)
sigh~ still headache.. too many opinions I guess. like my grandpa always say.. "too many cook spoils the soup" haha. but two head is better than one right? =.=' nvm.

sometimes it's hard to show how u feel appreciate.

although what u're doing meant no harm.

=)

omg this is really a good experience. just had a customer that is deaf and mute came to my booth and asked me about P1. I'm really glad I helped them well and they could understand me. we communicate through writing. =)

they get special rate for P1's services. that's good. we should help those unfortunate people. I felt good and proud of myself for a minute. =)

this is the first time for me. so, YAY! =)

can u believe it????!!

gah! the more u dont want to see someone the more u will see him/her!
omg that ****h is gonna let me see him/her every single day!! f***! gah!!

great job taylor swift! i love her....haha..