here I am again. surviving my 19 days of year 2010. to the dragon boat's group from Chung Ling that has deceased, I hope you guys do rest in peace. sigh~ why in life, things could be so unpredictable? those poor guys didn't even get a chance to do things they had never done. and the saddest part was, even the corpse was eaten by fishes in the sea. i don't blame those fishes. i don't blame the teacher advisor, because he died too. and not because he died i don't blame him. it's because, well, like i said, life is too short. so why blaming when we can choose to move on? I, too, might just die tomorrow...already this morning on the way to work time there's been an ambulance passing by the other side of the road. disasters kill.

I am still blurr right now. march is getting nearer and nearer. clock's ticking, earth is revolving, i am aging. God, this feeling sucks. how can someone be so sure with what he/she is gonna work as in the future? i mean, the field that they are gonna step into. because, life is too short and unpredictable. Again. yes, these few incidents are making my mind getting more and more confusing, really. more and more opinions are killing u know that? gosh, there won't be a day I will close my eyes and doze off. there must be something, something in my head.

I am playing too much games these days. u know, it is putting my head off about my problems. but still, gaming is not good right??

Dearest, after all these years, u can tell me, that what we expect in a relationship is different? and I look for u only when I need u? omg i really can't believe my eyes. come to think of it, it is somehow true. but i want freedom? hey, just going to a guy's friend's birthday is so wrong is it? i dint even sit for 5 minutes. do u even know? and the way u telling me? pissed me off. and it's so hard to be a middle person. so i chose to leave both. and before this i thought that u don't like me to go to my ex's birthday. that one I can accept so I chose not to go. but this? I can't imagine future. cannot be guaranteed too. I told myself not to cry myself to sleep de. I broke my guts. eh, and u know what? I actually did not cry already these days now. last few nights not counted. I guess it's too pain? I am so unpredictable I know. God knows what am I gonna do next? like I said, I might die the next thing u know.. so live life to the fullest!!! must keep reminding myself that. the future is not promising k. so don't expect much. because if the higher is our expectations, the higher is our disappointment. and something really shock me is that u don't like me working in an environment where guys are present? i'm like wth man? how about future? be more open minded. at least i know my limits! trusting each other is already so hard. to gain trust in a relationship is even harder. but why aren't u trusting me? am i so flirty? so bitchy? u said u're very pressure that i am too good. well that's not true. many better ones out there. i don't even know what to do. arguements are too tiring. everyday not enough sleep and having other stuff to think about? God, we aren't machines. even machines can worn out. like cars? need to be serviced. what am i? crapping? or whatever i am saying here make sense at all?

Think positively! ok, grand uncle is gonna come and have lunch with me tomorrow. but still he''s gotta check his busy busy schedule to fit me in =(
see? how busy this man is. tsk tsk. i am proud to have him loving me so much too. he's really cool. oh did i mention about his job? he works as a speaking person for Penang's turf club. I don't really know what that post is called as. but hey! u know those people talking and cheering over the microphone? haha. yep. that's my grand uncle. cool guy. at his age. like my grandpapa. aww~ that guy. loves him too. <3 =)

and there's my mom, my dad and my bro. my mom early morning waking up to prepare my bro for school. hey, is my memory getting worse or did she did that all for me when i am 12? no. when i was in kindergarten i already waited for bus all by myself! haha. independent? no. that was because i was trained. and my bro? doesn't have that. i still remember my daddy tied a pony tail for me every morning. i will sit on the floor and he will hold a comb with a rubber band ready to tie my hair. he will sit on the bed waiting for me with his sleepy and drowsy eyes. haha. i really missed those times. i sleep with them in the same room. and i wondered how did my brother pops out suddenly. haha. no sound at night? i was too busy sleeping to not know. better not to know 'how'. haha. funny laaa. my bro is having extra classes now already. kids these days. parents are too demanding.. seriously kay.. monday and tuesday extra classes in school. then come home already must do homework and then the book i bought him. i felt bad now for buying those books. maybe i shouldn't push him too hard? but if i don't, then who will? i'm the big sis here. and i bully my bro. sometimes. =( what? sometimes! haha. omg i sounded like a mommy here la i feel. haha.

last saturday was funnnn! I-Lyn, Eunice, Pei Ying and Guat Phing came to find me in gurney. that time was working there. and i had to buy them tickets for their movie. haha. as i was lining up i saw Miss Kweh and Miss Loke there. bad Miss Kweh. still dint wanna tell me why. yeesh. but i got over it soon already cos i am not as curious as before anymore. hehe. I learned to get over with curiosity. so, moving on, had lunch with them at food court. so paiseh nia Miss Kweh treated me tomyam. hehe. it was nice just like that. and then the four of them came. so we chatted and they dragged me to cold storage. haha. then we had to split. me, working. them, movies. life is so unfair =( haha. i wasn't that sad laaa. fun kay. then my dear came over which surprised me. ^^ love u. later on he went back and met up with the gang again. hehe. my Yu Yi and Hou Sam have to go back first. so split again cos Yu Yi went front door and Hou Sam is back door. so me and Lyn went with Eunice and PY went with Yu Yi. eh i still so sayang u k. hehe. hugs. it was sooo funny la the way dear Eunice interpret our every move. haha. i was standing in front of Lyn and her legs are under my body and i was like doing a 'horse stance' u know like those learnt in tae kwon do? haha. then i was splitting more already as her legs got wider. so yeah i was alert kay. but when ure beside that girl. no matter how alert. sure gone! haha. so there i go, landed on my right ass. and i told them i was alert. so they asked why u still fall? of course la i was imbalance! and my rubber's quality ( i meant my shoes) is good ma so it halted and i jerked. then they started laughing. i was so blurr. so Eunice say it all over again. my leg and Lyn's split. then i falled. and the rubber with the better quality. so u guessed it! haha. so we had to re-run the whole scene as Lyn record it down. but not so funny as the first one. but still! we laughed til Eunice's mom's call came. so we walked her to the car and waved goodbye. that day was fun. =)




Even if I don't show it, it doesn't mean i don't care.
Even if I don't show it, it doesn't mean i don't love you.



back to cafe world =(